husband and three children wondered why other drivers were
honking their horns. Upon arriving at a set of traffic lights, a
lady in the next lane rolled down her window and yelled,
“Your cat’s on the roof!”
complain about! Case in point:
I stayed in a beautiful hotel right on the beach in California …
an idyllic spot, you would think. But while I was waiting to
check out, I heard the manager ask another guest, “Did you enjoy
“Not really,” the man said grimly.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the manager apologized. “What was
“The surf was too loud.”
“We’re coming to a hill,” the mother announced to her children,
I wondered how the little ones could be of assistance, but as I
their new cell phone. Although they are on a nationwide plan,
they did make a brief foray into Canada, so they were hit with
some surprise “roaming charges.”
Even though they’ve been back for awhile, those charges didn’t
appear on their statement for several months. I had to explain
to them that such things take time to work through the system.
Specifically, I told them, “Roamin’ wasn’t billed in a day.”
passengers how the ship manages to stay level at sea.
Do you know what level means?” I asked my 6 to 8 year-old charges.
One boy replied immediately.
“A level is something you need to pass in a video game to get to
a harder screen.”
grandfather and great-grandfather loaded tackle boxes,
rods and bait to go on a fishing trip. As they got into
the car, her grandfather asked with total confidence,
“What kind of fish do you want us to bring home for
supper?” “Well, if you’re filling orders, I’d like bass,” my
granddaughter replied. Then she grinned. “And, Grandpa,
don’t pay over two dollars and twenty-five cents a pound.”
he stopped to photograph one stunning vista after another.
Overcome by the sheer beauty, he paid it his ultimate compliment:
“Everywhere I look is a screen saver!”
As a new federal employee, I felt a combination of
excitement and anxiety about meeting the strict
standards of discretion and respect that our
government imposes on its workers. Fearful of
making a costly mistake, I decided to read up on
procedures and standards on the federal Office of
Personnel Management web page. I’m not sure if
I was relieved or worried when I clicked on one
page and found: “Ethics: Coming Soon!”
the door. “I got a 100 on the Spanish quiz that I didn’t even
know we were having.”
“That’s great!” I said. “But why didn’t you know about the quiz?”
“Because our teacher told us about it in Spanish.”
The shipping/receiving bays at the company where I work are very
busy with trucks coming and going. Potential for accidents is very
real. So for safety reasons, a sign was posted that reads “Warning!
Truck Area. Pedestrians Not Allowed.” To emphasize the point, the
following was added: “Violators Will Be Squished.”
one day and spilled coffee all over our computer. The liquid poured
into the processing unit, and resulted in some dramatic crackling
and popping sounds. After sopping up the mess, we gathered around
the terminal as the computer was turned back on. “please let it
work,” pleaded the guilt-ridden waiter. A waitress replied, “should
be faster than ever. That was a double espresso.”
When asked if he was there to see the doctor, he replied, “Yes,
I’m having my dog put into neutral.”
bottle of medicine, my eight-year-old daughter asked, “Why
do they even have childproof caps? They know kids hate
help you lose weight. How many guys are going to jump on this one?
“Honey, I’m not sitting on the couch all weekend, I’m dieting.”
Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one
of them jumped up and yelled at the other ,”What about the
powerful interest that controls you?”
And the other guy screamed back, “You leave my wife out of this!”
with the Royal Navy in England.
Everyone who drove through the base’s gates was required to hold
an official ID card up to the windshield for inspection by the guards.
As a friendly competition, my husband’s squadron started flashing
different forms of ID, such as a driver’s license, just to see how far
they could go to fool the busy guards.
The winner? The fellow who breezed past waving a piece of toast.
twelve-month warranty. He said the only thing he’d ever had last
a full year on the car was aggravation.
Friend: “I’m all set. I have the address, a GPS and a GPS
Willie: “What is a GPS override?”
Friend: “A wife.”