Chicken Puttanesca

. 12 ounces skinless, boneless chicken thighs or breast halves
. 1 14-1/2-ounce can tomatoes, cut up
. 1/4 cup dry red wine or chicken broth
. 2 tablespoons tomato paste
. 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar or red wine vinegar
. 1 tablespoon cornstarch
. 1/2 teaspoon salt
. 1/4 teaspoon pepper
. 1 tablespoon cooking oil
. 2 cloves garlic, minced
. 8 ounces fresh medium mushrooms, quartered (about 3 cups)
. 1 small onion, chopped (1/3 cup)
. 12 pitted ripe olives, halved
. 3 anchovy fillets, cut into 1/2-inch pieces (optional)
. 3 tablespoons snipped parsley
. 8 ounces spaghetti or other pasta, cooked and drained
. Parsley sprigs (optional)

1. Cut chicken into thin bite-size strips. Set aside.
2. For sauce, in a bowl stir together undrained tomatoes, wine or broth, tomato paste, vinegar, cornstarch, salt, and pepper. Set aside.
3. Pour cooking oil into a wok or large skillet. (Add more oil as necessary during cooking.) Preheat over medium-high heat. Stir-fry garlic in hot oil for 15 seconds. Add mushrooms and onion; stir-fry for 1 to 2 minutes or until onion is crisp-tender. Remove mushroom mixture from the wok.
4. Add chicken to the hot wok. Stir-fry for 2 to 3 minutes or until no pink remains. Push chicken from the center of the wok.
5. Stir sauce. Add sauce to the center of the wok. Cook and stir until thickened and bubbly. Return mushroom mixture to the wok. Add olives, anchovies (if desired), and parsley. Stir all ingredients together to coat with sauce. Cook and stir for 1 to 2 minutes more or until heated through. Serve immediately over hot cooked pasta. Garnish with parsley sprigs, if desired. Makes 4 servings.

Chicken stuffed with popcorn

> Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing – imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.
>
> Give this a try.
>
>
> 4-5 lb. Chicken
> 1-Cup melted butter
> 1-cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is best)
> 1-cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT)
> Lightly salt and pepper to taste
>
> Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter,
> then salt and pepper. Fill the cavity with the stuffing and popcorn.
>
> Place in baking pan with the neck end towards the back of the oven.
>
> Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken’s ass blows the oven
> door open and the chicken flies across the room, it’s done.
>
> And you thought I couldn’t cook.

Vincent Van Gogh Family Tree

His dizzy aunt ———– Verti Gogh 

The brother who ate prunes ——–Gotta Gogh 

The brother who worked at a convenience store ———– Stop N Gogh 

The grandfather from Yugoslavia ——— U Gogh 

His magician uncle ———— Where-diddy Gogh 

His Mexican cousin ——— A Mee Gogh 

The nephew who drove a stage coach ——— Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle ———- Can’t Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt ——– Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle ————— Flamin Gogh

The fruit-loving cousin —————- Man Gogh

A sister who loved disco ————— Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in an RV ——— Winnie Bay Gogh

I saw you smiling . .�. . . . there ya Gogh

HOW IS NORMA?


This is hilarious !!

A sweet grandmother
Telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital. She timidly asked,
“Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator said,
“I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,
“Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied,
“Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
“I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her
Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”

The grandmother said,
“Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good
News.”

The operator replied,
“You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”

The grandmother said,”No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit.”

TRUE STORY

Why I share and forward stuff


An old cowboy was riding his trusty horse followed by his faithful dog along an unfamiliar road. The cowboy was enjoying the new scenery, when he suddenly remembered dying, and realized the dog beside him had been dead for years, as had his horse. Confused, he wondered what was happening, and where the trail was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall that looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch topped by a golden letter “H” that glowed in the sunlight.

Standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like gold.

He rode toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. Parched and tired out by his journey, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.

‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.

‘Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’

As the gate began to open, the cowboy asked, ‘Can I bring my partners, too?’

‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.’

The cowboy thought for a moment, then turned back to the road and continued riding, his dog trotting by his side.

After another long ride, at the top of another hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a ranch gate that looked as if it had never been closed. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

‘Excuse me,’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’

‘Sure, there’s a pump right over there. Help yourself.’

‘How about my friends here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog and his horse.

‘Of course! They look thirsty, too,’ said the man.

The trio went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with buckets beside it. The traveler filled a cup and the buckets with wonderfully cool water and took a long drink, as did his horse and dog.

When they were full, he walked back to the man who was still standing by the tree. ‘What do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘That’s confusing,’ the traveler said. ‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’

‘Oh, you mean the place with the glitzy, gold street and fake pearly gates? That’s hell.’

‘Doesn’t it make you angry when they use your name like that?’

‘Not at all. Actually, we’re happy they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.’

Sometimes, we wonder why friends forward things to us without writing a word. Maybe this explains it:

When you’re busy, but still want to keep in touch, you can forward emails. When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep in contact, you can forward jokes. When you have something to say, but don’t know exactly how, you can forward stuff.

A ‘forward’ lets you know you’re still remembered, still important, still cared about.

So the next time you get a ‘forward,’ don’t think of it as just another joke. Realize you’ve been thought of today and your friend on the other end just wanted to send you a smile.

P.S. : You’re welcome at my watering hole anytime.

The Original Warm Fuzzy Tale

Once upon a time, a long time ago there lived two very happy people called Tim and Maggi with their two children, John and Lucy.

To understand how happy they were you have to understand how things were in those days. You see, in those happy days everyone was given, at birth, a small soft Fuzzy Bag. Anytime a person reached into this bag he was able to pull out a Warm Fuzzy.

Warm Fuzzies were very much in demand because whenever somebody was given a Warm Fuzzy it made him feel warm and fuzzy all over. People who didn’t get Warm Fuzzies regularly were in danger of developing a sickness in their backs which caused them to shrivel up and die.

In those days it was very easy to get Warm Fuzzies. Anytime that somebody felt like it, he might walk up to you and say, “I’d like to have a Warm Fuzzy.” You would then reach into your bag and pull out a Fuzzy the size of a little girl’s hand.

As soon as the Fuzzy saw the light of day it would smile and blossom into a large shaggy Warm Fuzzy. You then would lay it on the person’s shoulder or head or lap and it would snuggle up and melt right against their skin and make them feel good all over.

People were always asking each other for Warm Fuzzies, and since they were always given freely, getting enough of them was never a problem.

There were always plenty to go around, and as a consequence everyone was happy and felt warm and fuzzy most of the time.

One day a bad witch became angry because everyone was so happy and no one was buying potions and salves.

The witch was very clever and devised a very wicked plan.

One beautiful morning the witch crept up to Tim while Maggi was playing with their daughter and whispered in his ear, “See here, Tim, look at all the Fuzzies that Maggi is giving to Lucy. You know, if she keeps it up, eventually she is going to run out and then there won’t be any left for you.”

Tim was astonished. He turned to the witch and said, “Do you mean to tell me that there isn’t a Warm Fuzzy in our bag every time we reach into it?” And the witch said, “No, absolutely not, and once you run out, that’s it. You don’t have any more.” With this, the witch flew away, laughing and cackling.

Tim took this to heart and began to notice every time Maggi gave up a Warm Fuzzy to somebody else. Eventually he got very worried and upset because he liked Maggi’s Warm Fuzzies very much and did not want to give them up. He certainly did not think it was right for Maggi to be spending all her Warm Fuzzies on the children and on other people.

He began to complain every time he saw Maggi giving a Warm Fuzzy to somebody else, and because Maggi liked him very much, she stopped giving Warm Fuzzies to other people as often and reserved them for him.

The children watched this and soon began to get the idea that it was wrong to give up Warm Fuzzies any time you were asked or felt like it.

They too became very careful. They would watch their parents closely, and whenever they felt that one of their parents was giving too many Fuzzies to others, they also began to object. They began to feel worried whenever they gave away too many Warm Fuzzies.

Even though they found a Warm Fuzzy every time they reached into their bag, they reached in less and less and became more and more stingy. Soon people began to notice the lack of Warm Fuzzies, and they began to feel less warm and less fuzzy. They began to shrivel up, and, occasionally, people would die from lack of Warm Fuzzies.

More and more people went to the witch to buy potions and salves even though they didn’t seem to work.

Well, the situation was getting very serious indeed. The bad witch didn’t really want the people to die (since dead people couldn’t buy salves and potions) so a new plan was devised.

Everyone was given a bag that was very similar to the Fuzzy Bag except that this one was cold while the Fuzzy Bag was warm. Inside of the witch’s bag were Cold Pricklies. These Cold Pricklies did not make people feel warm and fuzzy, but made them feel cold and prickly instead.

But they did prevent people’s bag’s from shriveling up. So, from then on, every time somebody said, “I want a Warm Fuzzy,” people who were worried about depleting their supply would say, “I can’t give you a Warm Fuzzy, but would you like a Cold Prickly?”

Sometimes, two people would walk up to each other, thinking they could get a Warm Fuzzy, but one or the other of them would change his mind and they would wind up giving each other Cold Pricklies. So while very few people were dying, a lot of people were still unhappy and feeling very Cold and Prickly.

The situation got very complicated. Warm Fuzzies, which used to be thought of as free as air, became extremely valuable. This caused people to do all sorts of things in order to obtain them.

Before the witch had appeared, people used to gather in groups of three or four or five, never caring too much who was giving Warm Fuzzies to whom. After the coming of the witch, people began to pair off to reserve all their Warm Fuzzies for each other exclusively. People who forgot themselves and gave a Fuzzy to someone else would feel guilty because they knew that their partner would probably resent the loss. People who could not find a generous partner had to buy their Fuzzies and they worked long hours to earn the money.

Another thing which happened was that some people would take Cold Pricklies…..which were limitless and freely available….. coat them white and fluffy, and pass them on as Warm Fuzzies.

These counterfeit Warm Fuzzies were really Plastic Fuzzies, and they caused additional difficulties. For instance, two people would get together and freely exchange Plastic Fuzzies, which presumably should have made them feel good, but they came away feeling bad instead. Since they thought they had been exchanging Warm Fuzzies, people grew very confused about this, never realizing that their cold, prickly feelings were really the result of the fact that they had been given a lot of Plastic Fuzzies.

So the situation was very, very dismal, and it all started because of the coming of the witch who made people believe that some day, when least expected, they might reach into their Warm Fuzzy Bag and find no more.

Not long ago, a lovely, strong woman with big hips and a happy smile came to this unhappy land. She seemed not to have heard about the witch and was not worried about running out of Warm Fuzzies. She gave them out freely, even when not asked. People called her the Hip Woman and some disapproved of her because she was giving the children the idea that they should not worry about running out of Warm Fuzzies.

The children liked her very much because they felt good around her. They, too, began to give out Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it.

The grownups became concerned and decided to pass a law to protect the children from using up their supplies of Warm Fuzzies. The law made it a criminal offense to give out Warm Fuzzies in a reckless manner, without a license.

Many children, however, seemed not to know or care, and in spite of the law they continued to give each other Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it and always when asked.

Because there were many many children…almost as many as grownups…it began to look as if maybe the children would have their way.

As of now it is hard to say what will happen. Will the forces of law and order stop the children? Are the grownups going to join with the Hip Woman and the children in taking a chance that there will always be as many Warm Fuzzies as needed?

Will Tim and Maggi, recalling the days when they were so happy and when Warm Fuzzies were unlimited, begin to give away Warm Fuzzies freely again?

The struggle spread all over the land and is probably going on right where you live. If you want to, and I hope you do, you can join by freely giving and asking for Warm Fuzzies and by being as loving and healthy as you can.

By Claudia Steiner

A note from God

As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear. When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were to busy. At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip instead. I watched patiently all day long. With all our activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me,that is why you didn’t bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn’t. That’s okay. There is still more time left, and I hope that you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV. I don’t know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal, but again you didn’t talk to me. Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said good night to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time. That’s okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you.. I’ve got patience, more than you will ever know…. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well. I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought, or a thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation. Well, you are getting up once again. Once again I will wait, with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a nice day! Your friend, GOD