A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, “Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.” God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. And he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love – which he managed to get through without complaint.The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, “My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You’ll have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night!”
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, “Sister, you sleep on the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.” Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said “Father, I’m cold.” He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her. Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, “Father, I’m still very cold.” He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, “Father, I’m sooooo cold.” This time, he remained there and said, “Sister, I have an idea. We’re out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let’s pretend we’re married.” The nun said, “That’s fine by me.” To which the exasperated priest exclaimed, “Get up and get your own stupid blanket!”
- ▢ 10 ounces canned salmon untrained so
- ▢ 1 egg beaten
- ▢ 2 cups whole wheat flour
- Preheat oven to 350°.
- Pulse 10 ounces of undrained, canned salmon in a food processor to chop as finely as possible.
- In a stand mixer, combine salmon, 1 egg (beaten), and 2 cups whole wheat flour until dough forms. If the dough is too dry, add up to 1/3 cup water. If it’s is too wet or sticky, add a bit more flour. The dough should be tacky but not sticky.
- Roll dough on a floured surface until about 1/4-inch thick. Use a 3/4-inch cookie cutter in the shape of your choice to create your treats.
- Place treats on a parchment-lined baking sheet and bake at 350° for about 20 minutes. When they’re slightly browned and crunchy, they’re done.
- Allow to cool before serving.
- Store in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.
- 1 cup oatmeal
- ⅓ cup pure pumpkin
- ¼ cup smooth peanut butter
- Start by processing the oatmeal into a fine powder in a food processor or blender. Then add in the pumpkin and peanut butter and process until smooth.
- Place the mixture onto a sheet of parchment paper and flatten it out with your hands.
- Use a cookie cutter to cut out as many treats as possible.
- Carefully remove the excess mixture around the shapes. Save that excess mixture for your next batch of treats. Transfer the parchment paper onto a cookie sheet.
- Bake in a 350 degree oven for 30 minutes. Let cool.
- Transfer the dog treats into a jar to keep them fresh.
They-were an unlikely pair — she, an adult Maine Coon, sleek andDignified, elegant and graceful in all of her movements — he, a young,Immature grey tomcat, large and boisterous, playful and quick moving. When they joined our household a year apart, I had no idea whatWas in store for all of us. They nevertheless fell in love, and eventually it became obviousThat Griz was pregnant. I’d never had a pregnant cat, so I consultedThe vet for all the details on what I needed to know, and do, when theTime came for her to give birth. His advice was, basically, provideHer with a safe, comfortable place and then get out of her way, lettingMother Nature take over. Griz went into labor on a Sunday morning, just as we were preparingTo leave for church. I hoped witnessing a miracle might take precedenceOver attendance at Mass just this once, so I decided to allow our sonsTo stay home. The area beside our claw-foot tub had been chosen by Griz as herLabor room, so we prepared a nice soft bed of fluffy towels for her. SheSeemed uncomfortable, and I wished I could do something for her, butThe vet’s advice stayed with me, and I resumed my role as bystander. Gus, however, had not heard the vet’s advice, and would not haveHeeded it anyway. The love of his life was in pain, and he comfortedHer as best he could. He’d go in there and lick her face as if toSay, “I’m here, Griz, and I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”We’ve all heard of expectant fathers pacing the floor in Maternity wards,And Gus did the same, checking in with Griz frequently, softly pettingHer with his paw. The hours passed, and finally the first kitten was born — how coolWas that? Gus helped Griz clean the little creature, as he did withThe other three she eventually produced. I’d been hesitant at firstTo allow him near the kittens because I’d heard of some males eatingTheir young, but he was always such a loving cat that I took the chance.In any event, I don’t think I’d have been able to keep him away. Griz was exhausted from her long labor and delivery, as we allWere from keeping watch, so everyone slept. Over the next few days, the extent of Gus’ devotion soon becameApparent. He would curl up beside Griz when she nursed the kittens,Like he just wanted to keep her company and be close to her and hisLittle family. When it looked like Griz needed a break from mothering,Gus would take her place, curling on his side and allowing the kittens toCuddle up against him. He’d remain in that position for extended periodsOf time, only leaving when one of the kittens tried to nurse. He’d standUp quickly as if to say, “I’ll babysit, but the nursing stuff is OUT!” I’d often find them all asleep together, Mom and Dad curled tightlyAround their babies, all snug and safe in a warm cocoon of feline fur. Gus and Griz groomed the kittens together, washing those adorableLittle faces and holding down a reluctant participant with a firm butGentle paw. When I took Griz to the vet for her checkup, I mentioned what aGreat help Gus was with the kittens, and I asked if that was normal forA male cat, since I’d never had experience with a cat “couple.” He saidHe’d never heard of anything like it! The kittens eventually went to good homes, and their parents seemedTo accept their departures with a minimum of fuss, resuming the routineThat had been normal for them before childbirth (well, kittenbirth!)Their lives were uneventful for a few years, until Gus became ill. The diagnosis of cancer was a blow to us all, but I vowed that we’dFight this thing with everything we had. On the days when he was feelingLow, Griz comforted him, as he’d once done for her. Gussie fought theGood fight, but we lost him when he was only four and a half years old. Griz was inconsolable, and her pitiful cries could be heard allOver the house, as she searched for her faithful companion. She neverStopped looking for him, and would spend hours looking out the windows,Waiting by the door, peering into his favorite hiding places. She wasNo longer interested in playing with their toys, and her shiny coatBecame dull. When she began losing weight, I took her to the vet, whoCould find nothing physically wrong with her. He said some cats justGive up when their companion dies. Griz died a year after Gus — the vet described the cause of deathAs a broken heart. Although I was devastated, I knew she no longermourned for him. I believe they’re together at the Rainbow Bridge,joyous at their reunion, enjoying time with their kittens and grandkittensand great-grandkittens.